Football (Soccer) Stories...

A couple in the middle of a messy divorce case find themselves in court battling over custody of little Johnny, their only child. In order to make a fair decision over the boys future, the Judge takes Johnny into his private chambers so that he can find out which of the parents the boy would prefer to live with. "Well, Johnny" says the Judge, "Would you like to live with your Mother?" "No" replied Johnny, "she hits me all the time" "Well then," the Judge continues, "Would you like to live your your Father?" "No" replied Johnny again, "He hits me all the time too!" The Judge looks exasperated and says to the boy "Well Johnny, who would you like to live with?" "I'd like to live with Watford Football Club" the boy replied quickly. "Why on earth would you want to live with the Watford Football Club?" replied the now extremely puzzled Judge. "Well" replied Johnny, "They never beat anyone"

Conversations with technical support...

Tech Support: "What version of the Mac OS are you using?"
Customer: "Word 6.0."
Tech Support: "What browser are you using, Netscape or Microsoft?" Customer: "Netscape."
Tech Support: "Could you read to me what it says at the top of the window?"
Customer: "'Global Travel Conference - Microsoft Internet Explorer'." Tech Support: "Are you installing on a Mac?"
Customer: "No, I'm using a 3.5" thingee on a disk."
Tech Support: "This has Windows 98 on it -- did it have Windows 98 or 95 on it when it was sent out for repair?"
Customer: "I think it had Office 97."
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
Customer: "I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the MSDOS mode in Windows 95."
Tech Support: "Can you describe what happens?"
Customer: "Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, 'C:\WINDOWS>'."
Tech Support: "which drive is your CD ROM?"
Customer: "the top one."
Customer: "Do I hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?"
Tech Support: "Your password will be...a small 'a' as in apple, a capital 'V' as in Victor, the number '7' "
Customer: "Is that a capital '7'?"
Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters..." Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."